Your Airport Survival Guide
A woman heaves her Louis Vuitton suitcase onto the luggage conveyer belt, then fumbles to remove a pair of lace-up designer boots while hundreds of people in the airport security line eye her venomously. An overweight man with a sweaty brow bluntly informs you that his plane is late, so he’s going to cut the line. A mother screams at a Chili’s waiter because her eggs are overcooked while her kids terrorize everyone else in the restaurant. Welcome to the airport. This is your survival guide.
Survival Tip 1: Research Builds Runway
Research the airport prior to arrival. Every airport is different. Which terminal does United fly out of? Are there certain rules around rideshare drop-off vs. pickup? What restaurants are available for your layover? Is there a nice lounge that your credit cards will get you?
Unknown airport construction can cause an unexpected taxi from one terminal to another. Pandemics, active threats, and bad weather can scramble flights. People with TSA Precheck have a higher IQ than the lemmings who stand in regular security lines.
There’s a lot of unknowns when it comes to travel. A little research builds runway for incidents, avoids travel induced tragedy, and allows you to jet to your destination with confidence. No one reeks of desperation more than Larry, who, not realizing there were two airports in Houston, went to Bush Intercontinental when Southwest flies out of Hobby. Don’t be a Larry.
Survival Tip 2: Pack Like a Pro
Your biggest burden at the airport will be your baggage. Unless your moving across country, you only need a single bag and one personal item. Smart travelers plan outfits per day and choose backpacks as their carry-ons. This maximizes the amount of space available while minimizing fees, loads, and wait times at check-in, security, and baggage claim. Wearing comfortable items and carrying little will also speed your security time.
Bag check counters, lines, and claims can all be bypassed by simply packing less. Say it with me, “carry-on and personal item”. Don’t be a Monica, who, on her 3-day girls trip to Cabo, brought a suitcase, a carry-on, a travel bag, bought tequila Duty-free, then can’t remember which bag she put her passport in while people cue up behind her. Everyone hates Monica.
Survival Tip 3: Have a Nice Flight
By default, everyone at an airport would prefer to be somewhere else. Everyone working doesn’t want to be there either. You think Tiana at baggage claim cares about your broken handle? Tiana doesn’t give a damn about your handle and definitely doesn’t give a damn after you rudely accosted her for something totally out of her control.
Instead, try nice. Crack a joke with a security guy and see if you are still ‘randomly’ selected for additional screening. Tip your baggage checker freezing his ass off outside and note how pristine your back returns. Say hi to your pilots and attendants and see your service improve. Compliment Barbara the gate agent on how nice her hair looks and then kindly ask if there are still any window seats available. I bet you get one if there are. No seriously, do it.
By following these three simple tips you will avoid airport turbulence, missed flights, and a brawl with a stranger at an Auntie Anne’s Pretzels. Research, packing light, and being nice is your ticket to the sit-backed and relaxed airport experience we all deserve.
